the purpose of my blog is to document and share images, questions, ideas, information, discoveries, excitement and events as i journey from dream to reality with my tiny house theater
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i gave blood today for the first time since the shutdown
i was planning to listen to my latest audiobook, “between two kingdoms” by suleika jaouad, but they had music playing really loud
as i lay on the table with the needle in my arm i thought about all the blood suleika received in her cancer treatments— i never knew that people in intensive chemo needed blood transfusions, but it was one of many things i’ve learned so far from her journey
i sat at the snack table and waited out my mandatory 15 minutes post-donation
i thought about all the time she spent waiting in clinical settings— i thought about her realization that she could never go back to the life or person that she had been or thought she could be and how hard it was to navigate the transition from cancer patient to cancer free— all the structures and routines that don’t follow you into your new status
i feel like i’m struggling with my transition too— i think i’ve realized i’m not going back to what i had and was working toward before the shutdowns, before the fires, before my dog died, before all that silent narrowing of hopes, of expectations, of abilities
i love her use of the word “cleaving” of her before cancer self and after— it captures an essence of the losses i’ve experienced in my life in the last 5 years— like huge hunks of a glacier breaking off, falling into the oceans and floating away
there won’t be a reunion, or a meaningful transformation in that— it’s just gone, leaving a raw edge where the next hunk comes off
i’m just at the part of her book where she is deciding to make a car trip around the united states
i thought about the difference between the journeys we choose and those that are thrust upon us by life
i thought about deciding to begin my own journey of writing a book— the phrase “the light of every star” came into my mind— i googled “what happens when a star dies” and i guess the main point for me is that the light is still seen by us for a really long time— i like the idea of leaving our light behind to guide others on their way, even if it appears as a shadow
i like the idea that even things that are gone can still guide us
hydrate and get your blood sugar up!
