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well, my signs did not arrive as scheduled— so i will be making my first road trip in my vardo without them
several things seemingly went wrong yesterday leaving me feeling sad and drained
when i feel that way it makes me miss my dog shadow soooo much
it seems weird that somehow you don’t notice the poignant, heart rending details of something that is so much a part of your life until it isn’t a part of your life anymore— the details that make that presence so essential to things being right
maybe it’s not that you don’t notice but rather you don’t realize you notice those details and that they are so crucial for your experience of that rightness
after shadow died there were so many little things i missed and longed for— i decided that every crow feather i found was a message from her saying it really would be ok
i brought them back to my yurt as i found them and stuck them in the ground on her grave— and not just crow feathers— i found scrub and stellar’s jay feathers, hawk feathers, raven feathers, owl feathers, towhee feathers, dove feathers
i must have had over 100 feathers when i was evacuated— it was devastating to have to leave her behind that way
later when my landlords wouldn’t let me return to live at the yurt they made me dig her up— so my ex and i had her cremated with all those feathers
i imagined them lifting her to heaven
i was really happy when i started to find feathers again this spring when molting season began
now i’ve got a new feather collection— and lots more messages from baby :)
on a wing and a prayer
