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i was walking in the schwan open space soon after new years— i hadn’t been there in awhile because of all the december storms we had— i had been walking places where the trails weren’t so soggy
there is an amazing tree that lives in there— i call her the grandmother tree— she has obviously been cared for and shaped over the years into her magical, magnificent presence
i was literally stopped in my tracks when i came upon her and saw that she had lost a huge part of herself— one entire trunk was gone and the remnants of it were strewn around— big sawed chunks, hunks of limb and branch, bits of twig, sawdust
it was hard to take in what i was seeing— because i really did not want to see it
it was just so wrenching and also so familiar— the cleaving of who you were and who you are now— without an enormous part of what defined the shape of your life, your aliveness, your beingness
it definitely brought up a lot of feelings for me about the losses i’ve suffered in the last few years
i was trying to sort all that out over the next few weeks, passing her every other day or so— worried that she was ailing or unbalanced or somehow reduced by this shocking event— these storms we can’t control that can sweep away everything that we have called “normal”— projecting a lot of my own struggles to come to terms with the violent tearing away of parts of my life and loves
but she seemed so fine with her new self— she didn’t seem broken or struggling or sorry
she seemed solid and serene— she just kept on treeing— opening out new green leaves— standing in her quiet glory— accepting whatever the heavens send, a worker and a witness in the wonder of nature
i think seeing her and knowing her and considering her helped me have appreciation and affirmation for my choices and and my truth and my new normal— i think she helped me to see i can grow well in my altered state when i embrace it
this morning when i walked by her there was a crowd of older women gathered around her, amazed at her stature, exploring her from every direction
i loved seeing her loved as she is, seeing her looked up to and admired— i love how she goes on, day by day, transforming the elements of air, water, earth and sun into her own aliveness and creating such purposeful beauty
that is how i want to live— translating what i life gives me into my own story of becoming the me i’m meant to be— solid and serene, worker and witness— alive and still growing
the new her— with a small part of what she shed still with her
